


Staring

by vitto1176



Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye - Fandom
Genre: All characters except Anti are implied, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bad Ending, Feelings, Hurt No Comfort, Inspired by Music, Lore that isn't lore, Love at First Sight, M/M, Multi, No Dialogue, One-Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, She - Dodie, Songfic, Staring, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, i think??, no beta we die like men, non-reciprocated feelings, please read the notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:55:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26149045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vitto1176/pseuds/vitto1176
Summary: Anti often found himself staring, admiring, and loving things from afar.(Non-ego AU)
Relationships: Chase Brody/Antisepticeye (one-sided), Jackieboyman/Chase Brody, Sean McLoughlin/Sean McLoughlin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Staring

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by "She - Dodie"
> 
> A bit of lore, as this is a non-Ego AU:  
> Anti grew up as a lonely kid, and after nearly being murdered, he plans his vendetta against his murdered, but it doesn't go well, since he is caught by the police.  
> Even though he should have had a death sentence, he didn't, because the system is fucked up.  
> Now he is under house arrest, and Chase decided to keep him company, since they met before.  
> Anti finds out he has unnecessary feelings.
> 
> This was supposed to be a full-on comic collab between @d0zack (on Instagram) and I, but we both left the fandom.  
> This is one of the remains of that beautiful story we were writing.  
> Also! This is really short and confusing, but I wrote this at 3 AM and didn't really want to change it; since I don't feel like throwing it away, I'm posting this as my first official story- please enjoy!

Anti often found himself staring, admiring, and loving things from afar.

Ever since he was a child, he used to stare at things he liked, like the playground near the school, filled with joyful kids, screaming and laughing, or the countless blossoms in his old house’s garden, providing a sweet scent and sight of life that used to linger in his long-lost pure memory, or the stunning night sky before dusk, full of glistening stars, shining so brightly and so persistently the night before he nearly died, or the view outside his lonesome, filthy cell, breathtaking in every way, almost mesmerizing, almost like the last promise of hope before his undoubtedly certain death-sentence.

He wanted to treasure those sceneries, right in his deepest memories, as a hopeful prayer that he would eventually be able to recall them, and only them.

And him.

Oh God, him. He was the best thing that ever happened to Anti. Like an overwhelmingly warm light at the end of an endless cold tunnel of empty, lifeless pictures.

Anti remembers his face as if he knew him from the beginning of time itself, from the amount of time he spent staring at him.  
He knows every single one of his little expressions or nervous habits or pet-peeves, like how he nibbles his lower lip and how his hands twitch whenever he’s nervous, how he tries to hide his soggy, strangely dimmed eyes whenever he is sad, how his hands subconsciously come up to his mouth when he is pleasantly surprised, and how his eyes crinkle when he adorably smiles at little things, like when he speaks about his kids, so fondly, or when he eats sweets.  
He knows every aspect of him that he kept hidden, like his extreme competitiveness when it comes down to games and challenges, or like his clingy attitude that usually only comes out when he’s drunk, or like his seemingly unexplainable obsessions with sunflowers.

And when he stared for the first time, he didn’t even notice. He didn’t notice how his cheeks felt hot, nor how his chest felt unnaturally tight, only to discover it when his nerves went completely awry after Chase turned his head to stare back, and smile.  
Anti wondered if he was even allowed to look at Chase like that.

From then, Anti stared at him for years, memorized every single new feature in the man’s appearance and persona, every smell, like how he smelled like apple juice and peach, how he always looked sleepy, no matter what hour of the day it was nor how much sleep he had gotten the night before.

Chase means everything to him.  
He is the reason Anti looks forward to waking up every day, just to have those small talks with him on the phone, that usually become longer, and longer until Chase agrees to come to visit him, and Anti desperately tries to hold himself together, all because he can get to see Chase once again, to remember him more.

Chase IS his everything.  
He is his sunlight, born to give unconditional love to everyone.  
Anti learned to treasure the man with all of his heart, mind, and soul.  
Anti learned to love, all thanks to him. He would do anything for him, and for his happiness.

His Chase, the one who found him in the grimmest stage of his life and stayed by his side when no one ever did.  
His Chase, who brought him ice coffee every month, and watched movies with him.  
His Chase, who sat down with him and played video games every week, until they’d both fall asleep on the sofa in the middle of the night.  
His Chase, who called him every day to hear him, of all people.  
His Chase, who somehow loved a monster like Anti.

Except…

Anti wasn’t meant to be happy. The world wanted him to be hurt, every day, ever since he was a kid.

And when Jackie came along, his Chase suddenly wasn’t his anymore.

Gradually, Chase became less attached, more distant, less caring.  
Until, suddenly there were no more calls, no more daily check-ups, no more ice cream.

His lovely smell that wafted in the air whenever he was around suddenly left, his darling glinting eyes felt like a distant memory.

He would still call him, still talk to him in a friendly honeyed tone, like always.  
He would still visit, for quick small talks, before leaving way too soon, and Anti almost wanted to beg him to stay, just one more second.  
He would still call him a friend, and be next to him, but he couldn’t feel farther apart.

Hugs became blessings, as rare as a pink lining.

Chase was never meant to be is.  
And now, Chase found someone new.

Anti will soon mean nothing to him, as time goes by.

But Anti won’t stop staring, yearning for the Chase he seemed to know, admiring from afar.


End file.
